This is obviously partially a vent piece.
So me and Markus want to live a childfree marriage. I am Tokophobic and have been bothered by quite a few people lately about it. Even seeing a belly is really upsetting for me. It's not a "ew gross" It's deeply uncomfortable for me. I feel physically ill just seeing pictures and tend to avert my eyes. And the idea it could happen will give me panic attacks and nightmares about me ripping my stomach open. It mortifies me, and it's been a real problem for me to deal with. For me I almost equate it to death, it really is that bad. This is by far one of my top fears, everything considered. It's a horrible thing to go through and when you get asked about kids... it just sucks. Because at least in europe, childless lifestyles are arguably a bit taboo. And saying we don't want kids is a jarring thing to say here, and sadly a lot of people think it means "Nobody should have kids". So we just kind of bite our tongues and just say things like "No not yet" and such.
In Austria, there is this tradition(?) where, when a couple is at the hospital and going through the labor and such, your family, friends and co-workers will put up a bunch of storks and tie them to your house. Here are some pictures photos.app.goo.gl/y5B2WhePeyag… .
Which, we don't have a problem with. I have no issues with others wanting kids or anything. If you actually want kids, this is rather cute and a nice way to show support and it's kind of sweet the whole town is in on it. But when we participate... we are ripe for the "When are you gonna get some" questions. And of course, being child free it's just a bit awkward feeling? I dunno. We just don't "Get it", and that's fine, we don't have to. We are happy to support and such ^^ (No baby sitting though lol)
So... we both just have unsettled feelings towards seeing storks on peoples houses. At least for me personally they are a bit ominous, and generally an unwanted reminder of general tokophobic stuff.
So have a vent piece of us chasing those darn storks off.
So I Lucid dream every single night. I remember 90% of my dreams and they are always extremely vivid and feel very very real.
Very frequently these dreams are just not fun. Accidentally killing birds, family members trying to kill me, saw style death traps where I try to save my husband and always fail, end of the world scenarios on and on and on. Just incredibly uncomfortable things, you're trapped, you're aware you're dreaming but it's a lot of work to "Kick yourself out" in a way. It drains on you and makes you a bit scared to sleep at times. Markus could basically be a log when he's sleeping, once he's out, he's out. But he gives me permission to wake him up enough to make him half conscious for if I need it.
Just trust me... You don't want this shit :stare: But if you really want to experience a lucid dream, set an alarm in the middle of the night and make sure you're conscious enough to turn it back off. You are very very likely to experience something then.
XD Even when he's only like 30% concious he always manages to register if I'm not okay and just hugs me and falls straight back into log mode XD
Before anyone says anything, I've tried many eating routines and this one was agreed uppon with my therapist as a decent choice and has been the most successful.
Oh my lawd, I was training the last week to get prepared for a true intermittent fasting diet. Now I'm virtually only on tea every second day, that's it. Maybe a tiny amount of chicken stock in hot water just to get through the night.
It's so weird, I never really think about food THAT much but man.... just random ass thoughts of food have been pestering me all week XD. Like I'm just doing my work and suddenly "Oh I should make x"
Good lord this is a very powerful example of willpower and control, the thoughts of food have been plauging me all day xD
Kay before anyone says anything. I'm obviously exaggerating a bit XD, He does get angry and can get a bit heated in the car but never directs it at other drivers or me, he just vents his anger to the air around him.
We've gone on a number of road trips by now, so I've seen a lot of reactions from him. Including one time where we easily could've died from an idiot taking over a bus on a curve. He's actually quite the safe driver and I snuffed
out any bad habits he had because wifehood. This idea came about during one day where he just kept ranting and ranting and ranting and it was progressively getting worse and worse as he'd seemingly go back to neutral.
We were both really stressed because this trip had to do with my citizenship too.
I decided to have a semi abstract depiction of a car so that I had room for more expressive poses, I think it's still readable despite breaking a few dimensional rules XD
So two major things.
One, I am a major roller coaster nerd. I'd dreamed to go on this coaster since I was like 12. I never in my wildest dreams thought I'd ever to get to ride it one day, let alone a second time.
I have to deeply thank HoxieRedhoof for making one of my serious dreams come true <3
Secondly. So as I've mentioned a few times, I was very sick from a pill change. I was a zombie with no sense of emotions. I couldn't even have the will to get my pen in my hand and was sitting for 6+ hours at the staircase doing basically nothing. I was really REALLY not okay. But finally, the pill was slowly working it's magic and was inching it's way from being a hell hole to a life changer.
We went to the park after Galacon since it was only an hour away. Between that and seeing my childhood dream once again really ripped me right out of the 2 month misery I was in.
It was one of the best weeks I had ever had, and I love you dearly HoxieRedhoof for making that happen <3